Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
