Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
