Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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