did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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