Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
