How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
