I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize
