It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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