No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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