WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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