I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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