so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
