I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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