Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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