Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
