Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
