Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
