what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
