summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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