I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
