fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
