Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
