Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
