You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
