She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
