I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
