ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
