how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
