Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
