your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
