oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
