I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
