She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
