why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
