i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
