I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
