she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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