i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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