bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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