life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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