She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
