yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
