I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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