i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
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Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
false alarm, still single
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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