Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
