I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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