I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
