I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
im calling her cock vulture from now on
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
