Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
