it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
