I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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