Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
