operation have a gay friend backfired
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
