I CAN MOONWALK!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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