his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
