We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
