I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
