Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
