hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
