guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
