just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
