I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
