If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
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I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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