Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
