I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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