Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
So. Much. Porn.
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