i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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