I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
