i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
