so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
