So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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